For me, it began when I couldn’t stop worrying, and it ended in a breakup. In between, there were sleepless nights, lots of crying spells, and depression so severe that I didn’t want to get out of bed.

Trauma looks different for everyone. For me, it happened slowly, when my mental health symptoms became so severe that I lost my ability to function, when I became unable to concentrate long enough to read even a page of a book because the chaos in my mind overtook my ability to focus. My anxiety, and later my depression, were so bad that I wasn’t able to attend classes or do homework.

In other words, my onset of mental illness was so strong, so jarring, that it became traumatic for me.

Though my trauma has since passed, I realize this is an unusual situation. For many people, thinking of the word “trauma” brings up images of an isolated incident, such as a scary car accident. Still, for others, trauma can involve repeated incidents, such as abuse. Whatever caused it, trauma is complex, frightening and often brings about a range of emotions.

After you go through a traumatic event, you may not even feel like the same person you used to be. I know I don’t.

So how do you navigate all these complicated feelings?

Accept that the world won’t look the same as it once did. Every event we experience in our lives, from the minute to the life-changing, alters us in some way. It’s just that after trauma, the shift we experience is bigger. Sometimes this shift feels sudden, and sometimes it takes months to unveil itself.

It can be tempting to wish things were the way they used to be, when life was simpler and kinder. I find myself wishing that I could go back to being the person I was pre-trauma, the person who had an unflinching faith in life because she hadn’t experienced any real obstacles yet. They say that ignorance is bliss.

But is it really?

The hidden gift of trauma is the knowledge it gives us. Through the process of going through something life-altering, we learn more about the world and about ourselves. Yes, we’re left with fears — maybe many of them — but we’re also left with the knowledge that we can go through something extremely difficult and come out on the other side.

You may have heard the phrase “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Whether you agree with this or not (and I’m not sure that I do), you probably agree that what doesn’t kill you makes you wiser, makes you consider your decisions more carefully and makes you have a newfound appreciation for times in your life that go well.

Something else to consider is that healing looks a little different for everyone. For one person, it may involve breaking down in tears often. For another person, it may involve cutting toxic people out of their life. For someone else, it may involve journaling about their feelings every day. For yet another person, it may involve seeing a therapist twice a week. Whatever it takes to make you better, do it, even if other people don’t understand it.

This is your life. It’s time you take the reins and realize that it’s possible to overcome any experience, even an incredibly painful one.

That’s not to say that you’ll be able to do it alone or unassisted. I’ve pulled myself out of the dark place I was in thanks to family, friends, social workers, and medication. Additionally, after the trauma was over, I had to make some changes. I unfollowed the people that reminded me of my trauma, including my ex-boyfriend, on social media. I threw away and deleted all my pictures of my ex. I accepted that I’d lost two of the people who used to be closest to me because they couldn’t handle me at my worst, when I was under extreme distress.

Trauma changes you. It changes your relationships, it changes your outlook on the world and it changes the way you view yourself. However, that’s not to say that you can’t move on from it, no matter what healing looks like for you, no matter who you come out as on the other side.

With love,

A.

“We cannot have a world where everyone is a victim. “I’m this way because my father made me this way. I’m this way because my husband made me this way.” Yes, we are indeed formed by traumas that happen to us. But then you must take charge, you must take over, you are responsible.” ― Camille Paglia

Image from pexels.com.

Follow me on social media!

Twitter: https://twitter.com/whatnottodoat19

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/whatnottodoat19/